Winning

In late July of this year, 2017, The Australia and New Zealand School of Government website won an award, a gold award for design.
This new website was a project I was responsible for, one I was hired, as a contractor to project manage.
The award was given to Butterfly, a company, through research online, I found and approached. This talented digital agency was one of many “vendors” I had found and approached to bid for the job of developing a new website for The Australia New Zealand School of Government. Through an evaluation process that I am very proud of, the organisation came to the conclusion that Butterfly were the strongest vendor.
Hands down, they were a great partner to have and the end result was very pleasing.
When the award came out, there was no recognition, of my work. Butterfly were acknowledged as the winners, and the organisation as the benefactors. I didn’t receive a call from my former client to share in the spoils. The exact opposite, I heard nothing from them. I got to watch from afar as The Australia and New Zealand School of Government thanked Butterfly for their great work and vice versa. A kind team member inside of Butterfly made me aware of the award, from there I took it upon myself to make any friends and colleagues aware of this award by social media. And of course, my proud wife was quick to jump on social media and highlight this award and link it to me. Which I’m grateful for.
Some part of me is saddened, I gave upwards of of 16 hours of my day at times to this project, sacrificing time with my family, forgoing a level of sanity due to sleep deprivation in order to keep the project moving forward. Yet, I know, I shouldn’t need the acknowledgement of its success. I don’t need to sit in its spoils, but part of me wanted it.
I’m a fan of stoic philosophy and trying to implement this philosophy as a means to operate on a daily basis. I’m far from performing in a manner comparable to Stockdale or Epictetus. This moment, what some philosophers might call a moment of truth, I can say I failed. I craved the notoriety.
I’m writing this, not as a winning, but as an exercise in awareness. The discipline of writing, forces me to concisely understand my inner workings, and in this case, my inner failings.
I’ll leave with a quote from the ultimate teacher in self development, Marcus Aurelius
Tranquility…comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do.”

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